ecole modele

So today was my last day of teaching at CEG II after three ridiculous weeks. It's hard really to describe, but if one were to try to imagine what it's like. I walk into a classroom, there are about 90 students, 70 dudes and 20 girls or so. I say "Good morning class," they say "Good morning teacher," I say "How are you today?" they say "I am fine." Then, I proceed to attempt to teach them important English phrases like "Mr. Creakle was famous for beating" interrupted only by beaucoup de students who arrive late and try to clap their way in, the other kids standing outside the windows watching/talking to the kids in class, the fights that almost break out, you know. I really love teaching, and it's just a lot of fun talking to the kids and explaining things, making a fool out of myself basically and it's so cool when they do understand some things. But classroom management issues frustrate me completely because I feel really uncomfortable dealing with disruptions to my class especially when the parties involved are double my size. So I try to ignore them, but that doesn't get me tons of respect. It's weird too because at home I had no problems yelling at kids, but here it just seems more intimidating. Today actually the kids clapped when I closed the door after some kids ran out of the room to see a fight and I didn't let them back in. Totally hardcore of me.

But I gave a test on Tuesday and Wednesday in my classes on the stuff I taught over the past few weeks, and the test was far from difficult but only 20% of the students actually passed. (Passing is a 10/20.) The highest grade I gave was a 17/20, and it's not like I tried to grade especially hard, the questions were very straightforward one word answers. Plus, I didn't even take off points for the kids who were cheating, and there was a lot of that (they failed anyway.) It's sad to think that no matter how much it seems like they are learning and how much they actually are enjoying the class when it comes time to give the test, it just hasn't stuck. But I do think/hope that it will be somewhat better at site where my students will have time to get used to the way that I teach/the kind of tests that I give. My favorite test I received though was just an (anonymous) piece of paper that said "Je t'aime. I love you. I love you." 20/20 for sure.

Since today was the last day, though, I talked to my students in French about life in America and about myself. It was a lot of fun, and I gave out my address (everyone wanted my cell # but I declined on that one.) Actually, it was really cute because this one boy gave me a letter he wrote (in English!) asking me for help buying books. Of course, I can't do that, but still, he wrote it in English!! One of the hardest things for me is how people are always asking me for things/wanting to hang out with me, and it's just impossible to help/be friends with everyone. I'm far from rich, and yeah maybe I could afford to buy one boy a Go for English book, but where does that end? And constantly people (men especially which brings up more problems) are inviting me to do things...have dinner, hang out, whatever....or just giving me their phone numbers. And I don't want to be rude, but I can't be friends with every single person I meet. Plus, women and men aren't just friends here so it doesn't work on that level either. The other problem is the issue of reciprocity because whenever someone helps you, they want something in return. This man who sold me some fabric the other day decided he would help Steve and I buy food in the market today without being asked and proceeded to follow us around. And he was genuinely concerned for our well-being, he kept trying to keep us away from thiefs, but we didn't even ask for his help. Then he demanded that Steve give him 2000 CFA ($4) . It's hard because you have to learn not to be nice to everyone.

On the other hand, one of my favorite things are the children who wave to you as you drive by or walk by. And not just children but everyone is so friendly. Kristen and I have been walking around N'Djamena a lot and now there are so people we pass all the time who we are practically friends with who we always say Salaam Alekum to. And in Darda, I love being able to walk around and everyone knows me and I can stop and talk to anyone. And the little boys and I play catch with the frisbee and football at the same time, it's amazing. At site, I know I will get to have even more fulfilling relationships, and that excites me even as I'm really freaked out about being "alone" for 2 years.

And I think that's it for the day. Happy icky shopping day in the US! Glad I missed that...

Homestay

From letter dated 10/04/05 – 10/06/05

I feel like so much has happened since my last letter, but of course I’ve been super busy so it’s hard to write. So far everything has been amazing and not even really surreal (because you know how I’m one to adapt easily to new environments.) We left N’Djamena last Saturday and now we’ve been in Darda at the training site for a week and a half. We are almost done with homestay which means that instead of sleeping in our dorm rooms at Darda, we (most of the group-some people are at a closer village) walk 30 minutes to Majiri. I live with a very large family, but I have no idea who is married to who and which kids belong to which mom. The biggest reason that I have no idea what is going on is because my family only speaks Chadian Arabic. I have learned a few important words (koko – frog / akul – eat / doot – insect) and to form a couple of basic sentences (koko akul doot). Mostly, I just sit around and say “afe” a lot which is the generic response to everything. I have taught the kids in my family to play “Miss Mary Mack” and to sing “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands”. I already feel like I’m making a difference in Chad. Though one of the women tried to have a conversation with me about America hating Muslims and I was able to semi-explain that there are Arabs in America by showing them pictures of Haja and Filza.
But my house/the village is what you would imagine Africa to be like, everything is built out of mud bricks and I have a house, outdoor hangar, and pit latrine within the compound. It’s really hot in my house, but for some reason whenever I try to sleep outside in the hangar, the sky decides to threaten rain so I’ve been sleeping inside. It’s not that bad though because I take a bucket bath before bed every night.
The craziest thing though is the giant difference between the lives of men and women here. All I ever see women doing is work (in the fields, chopping up okra, cooking, cleaning, etc, etc.) and all the men do is it around on mats all day. It’s weird as an American woman here because I have more liberty to be friendly with the men, but at the same time I don’t. I mean that I need to be careful and aware like I wouldn’t be in the US. Just things like walking down a street and not making eye contact are hard for me. And I have a tendency to yell nassara (white person) back at the people who yell at me which is funny but at the same time won’t be as appropriate when I’m at my site and actually have to maintain a professional demeanor. Right now though, in the protected training bubble I can act at least a little like an obnoxious American.
As for my health, I’ve been eating moderately well. At homestay, they made vegetarian food every night for me (usually rice w/hibiscus leaf sauce or pasta with some sort of unidentifiable sauce). Protein is mostly limited to peanuts and beans. I also eat the occasional egg, but they kind of gross me out. I haven’t been eating much unvegan food, but it is weird for me even to eat the little bit that I do. One day, around when we first got here I felt pretty sick and slept basically all day. Otherwise, I’ve been fine. I feel like that is in some ways a small miracle considering every night at homestay I am surrounded by dirty babies (the PCMO said we should always remember that everything/everyone is covered by a thin layer of fecal matter.)
The PCVs who just finished their service returned their bikes so now we have bikes here so finally I can bike which makes me so happy (I’m not so much into the things other people do for exercise – volleyball, running, etc.) We’ve just been riding the main road and back (10 km.) Me and one of the other trainees are talking about riding to N’Djamena one weekend if they’ll let us – it’d be about a 3 hour ride but everything is flat here. If we went early in the morning, it wouldn’t be too hot either. It’s weird because I am so used to getting up at 6am and going to bed at 9 or 10pm that I’m never tired getting up in the morning, and we are all on that schedule (moins l’electricite’ who wants to be up at midnight anyway.)
Speaking of French (sort of), I’m getting better. Literally, my French ability is in the middle of the group. Everyone who is better than me was a French major and/or has lived in France. I’m the best of the people still in French class (some people started Arabic this week) and one of the formateurs told me he thinks I’ll start Arabic next week. Our other training sessions focus on TEFL (which a lot of people find boring but I don’t mind), cross cultural stuff (we learned about Chadian agriculture yesterday), and medical stuff (so we can be healthy).
The way this whole experience is set up, I don’t think I’ll really start missing people until I’m at my site. We get our site assignments October 24th, then we have site visit (so we get to see our sites and meet our counterparts/the school staff right after that. Swear in is December 2nd, then we move out to our sites. I still have no idea where I want to be – I think I prefer the south because it’s greener and I’d be close to other volunteers/more people speak French. Still, I don’t know – I’d like to be near water, in a medium sized town, and be able to ride my bike everywhere. I guess I’ll know soon enough though, and right now I’m just trying to enjoy the time I have here.

cell phone

my cell number is 011 235 46 44 78, i go to bed pretty early (like 9 or 10 here, which is 2 or 3 pm there.) you can buy phone cards online that are reasonably priced, and if it doesn't work, then keep trying cuz i don't always have service. so start the phoninnnnnnn. also text messages are fun too.

my site and other things

it's actually me this time. so though my father knows this, apparently he hasn't gotten around to the posting of it yet (maybe in attempts to be chronological), but i got my site announcement a couple of weeks ago. i will be spending the next two years in a smallish village in the logone occidental region of south, it's about 6 hours (or 12 depending on method of transportation) from the capital, halfway between kelo and moundou. it is really cute, with lots of trees (my friend rachel describes it as a shady grove). there are lots of fruits and veggies available in the market and there's a farmer who i can buy some stuff from directly who is apparently cool. my counterpart is getting me a cat and there are clouds already painted on my walls (a volunteer was there last year, but he left early for personal reasons.) my family is super chill and just seem like they will be fun to spend time with. i'm needing to learn some n'gambaye, the local language (beyond the 'y toban' and 'tomaji' that i know now), my French has improved a lot being here (i'm now an advance bas), but not everyone even speaks French.

my birthday was a lot of fun for being in chad. i feel old now, but 23 is okay, especially since i'm one of the younger ones here anyway. people made me really cute cards and ja-mes gave me a pineapple. and we ate that. i now also eat bananas which we all know i hated before. the next three weeks are model school, which i'm teaching at the ghetto fab CEG II here in n'djamena, while most people are teaching at nice private schools in the city, it's okay though cuz it's more like the real experience of teaching here will be anyway. plus, the school is right across the street from the american embassy (ie the swimming pool). i'm going to get a cell phone at some point this week, so i will text people my number if you wanna call me. i'll have a little more internet time just for these few weeks but after that none so really your letters are always the best way to contact me. i LOVE letters. and food, especially food that involves protein and candy.

so yeah, i don't know what else to say. i can't really describe chad, it's sort of impossible. mostly it is just a bunch of markets filled with such exciting crap as plastic watering cans and pitcher cookies and flip flops. and all of them are the same. and where there are no markets there are houses made of mud and lots of goats. and children scream nassarra at you and you scream it back. and you respond 'afe' to everything cuz who knows more chadian arabic than that? and there is trash in the street. but it is fun and there are lots of stars at night and people are so friendly and you eat bagnes and drink tea (charape chai). and you talk in franglish all the time to your formateurs who really speak english perfectly. and there is millet everywhere, and i love farms. and you eat boule which actually tastes good, but people think you are crazy for not wanting meat sauce with your boule.

and that's it. LETTERS PLEASE. i miss you all.