totally tchad

2008-09-16T21:53:00.001Z

This website is neither affililiated with nor endorsed by the United States Peace Corps or any other organization. Everything contained herein is the opinion and personal expression of the owner.

flashback march 16th 2006

2006-08-03T22:48:00.000Z

something i wrote at site, long before the actual evacuation. if anyone still reads this and wants to see why it's been so hard for me, i think this kind of explains it.

Last night, after preparing a Mexican feast (guacamole mixed with mashed up beans and tortillas). I turned on “Focus on Africa” as I do every night at 6. Of course, every night, the top story isn’t an attempted coup in the country where I live. Bring cell phone to Kizitot to charge since had actually turned on the generator for the first time in a month or so (it stayed on about 10 minutes before dying again), I asked him if he’d heard the news. He hadn’t but a group of neighborhood men who had just come over for the evening’s causerie had. Finally, they could confirm that I wasn’t hallucinating, that as our lives went on without change, someone out there was trying to take us over. Not that I (or anyone else) didn’t know the country is unstable, but the rebel situation hadn’t made the news in a few months, and then all of the sudden, “attempted coup d’état.” And as much as there aren’t many people who are fans of President Deby (well there’s my host father who has explained to me repeatedly that he can have any job he wants because he belongs to the “partie de pouvoir.” I never ask him what he’s going to do when that party isn’t in power anymore), no one wants a coup.
“If there’s a coup, we well suffer,” says the surveillant of the lycée where I teach, one of the men who have gathered in our yard. I want to remind him that earlier today he and the other teachers explained to me that they were suffering in a conversation about hunger. But I know the answer so I don’t ask. There is suffering, and there is suffering. Hunger, thirst, disease come and go, but war is another thing. And I can’t possibly understand this like they do. I’ve never been hungry or thirsty. I’ve never been slapped in the face by death. And I’m constantly judging Chadians for being aggressive, petty, and corrupt, but maybe I would be that way too if it was all I knew, if it were necessary for my survival.
I tell the men if there’s a coup that I might have to leave. That, they don’t understand: “Il faut rester ici.” The impersonal structure of that comment makes me realize that they aren’t just talking about me. We all must stay here. This will pass like it all passes. They joke that we will have to go fight, me too, they’ll give me a gun and I’ll go to the border to keep the rebels out. And if Chadians laugh at me now, I can’t imagine how much they’ll laugh at me dressed up in camouflage, toting an AK47.
This morning, I do what I do every Thursday morning. I sweep my yard. I turn on the radio, a rarity in the morning, itching for more news. The government has shut down cell phone service in N’Djamena (and the whole country is the rumor later at school.) Our cell phone tower hasn’t worked for approaching two months. N’Djamena loses service for two days, and its world news. If I had service, I’d call up the BBC: “Our top bulletin, the Kumeur antenna has been broken for six weeks. Becca Silverstein, her friends and family, and whole lot of Chadians would really appreciate it if Celtel got their asses down here to fix it. Thank you.” So, all I can do is wait. The situation doesn’t seem that serious. Hopefully, they’ll turn the network back on because I was planning to go to Kélo to call home this weekend. I’m sure my parents are more worried about this than I am.
Here, life just goes on. Kids still show up to school to learn and at my house to ask for candy. This afternoon, we’ll play soccer. There was a much larger crowd than normal outside the Mayor’s office today. I thought maybe there was an important communiqué from the government. But no, just the normal prosecution of a sorcerer. Nobody’s glued to 24 hour a day CNN, nobody’s stocking up on toilet paper and bottled water. They couldn’t if they wanted to, and what good would it do? So, I’ll just go to the market because I have to eat. I may not be hungry, but I sure feel like I am.

i guess i have new perspective on life in america now

2006-05-01T21:51:00.000Z

this will probably be my last entry. unfortunately this chapter of my life is over, i hope that i will get to go back to chad someday, but it will never be the same. i'm going to put together a package to send for chancelin's birthday with baby clothes and pictures and things, and hopefully in the next few weeks, i'll work up the courage to call. i do still feel guilty for leaving (as much as i rationally know it wasn't my fault) so it is hard for me to imagine speaking to people. i don't want to put my life there out of my head, but i almost have to to be a productive member of american society.

most of the material adapting hasn't been that hard thanks to our "transition" conference in cameroon. i had already spent two weeks with electricity and flush toilets before i got home. still it's weird not having to worry how much water i use when i wash dishes, remembering that in the middle of the night when i get up to go to the bathroom i can turn on the light, that i don't have to separate burnable trash from nonburnable, that i can drink any water or ice and eat any fruit i want. all the fruits and vegetables in the grocery store seem so big and i always feel like i should eat as much as i can because i don't know when i'll next be able to find plums or something, then i remember i always can. but i did laugh at the hard, yellow, expensive things whole foods were calling mangos.

the hardest thing for me is realizing how self-centered people are here. when i was in chad, i feel like i became more american in this way because many many of my conversations centered on the topic of me or american culture or me and chad. and i was okay with that, with being the celebrity. sometimes i realized how much of my time was spent talking about myself, and grossed out by that, went back to the quiet observer/question asker role. but more often than not, i was the star and no one else ever wanted to be.

here everyone wants to be the star all the time. everyone goes on and on about his or her latest drama, and really believes that these things, as silly as they are, are of grave importance. people lose sleep over, can't work because of, etc, the problem of the week. and yes sometimes people want to hear about other people's drama and offer their input, but more often then not, it feels like that is just waiting for one's turn to spill. and, no one, no one, wants to hear about my life in chad once they realize how boring and free of drama it was.

this whole phenomenom is just so weird to me now because i was away from it for long enough to kind of forget it exists. but i also am realizing that i am better capable of feeling like i do belong here if i just listen to other people's problems and let them know i care. it's weird because i know i have these giant problems of my own, but i really don't have any desire to share them because they aren't the kind of problems my friends can understand, so this is where i am. and it's okay, i'm okay with being here, but i don't want to give up what i've lost and i hate that i'm thrown back into this as if the life that i knew and loved was just a dream.

pixxxxtures

2006-04-24T21:24:00.000Z

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8KYtmjlw3YR8¬ag=1

2006-04-19T07:00:00.000Z

i'm coming home. so i guess maybe i'll see you this weekend.

i've lost my life how are you

2006-04-16T07:38:00.000Z

i'm in cameroon, i'm never going back to chad.
i was never unsafe there, this decision was made way too quickly. a temporary evacuation until the elections would have been fine then they could have reevaluated this is just ridiculous.
i was away from my site at the time, i didn't get to say goodbye to my family or friends, people that i care sooooo much about, who are never going to understand why i had to leave because where i live it is so safe. i may never see them again, who knows.
i lost my entire life, everything i know.
i don't know what i'm doing yet. i don't think i can handle coming home i don't know if i'm ready to just jump right into life in another country.
i do love and miss you all, but right now my heart is in tchad.

Going to Cameroon

2006-04-13T12:36:00.000Z

Due to increased rebel activity in Chad over the last few days, including reports that rebel forces are at the edge of the capital, the Peace Corps volunteers are being taken to Cameroon. Rebecca and her fellow volunteers are hoping that the situation stabilizes within the next few days so that they can return to their new homes, families, work and lives.

We are very glad that they are safe and hoping that they will get to return to Chad soon.

Aileen

Update from Rebecca's Mom (Aileen)

2006-03-04T16:42:00.000Z

I'm happy to report that we just finished speaking with Rebecca. Cell phone coverage in her town has been worse than ever for the last 2 - 3 weeks, so she hasn't even been able to contact the other volunteers. She decided to visit Emily and Aaron but when she got there she discovered that they had gone to visit Melissa (Alyssa?), so Rebecca went on to that town and is visiting with all three this weekend. I believe they are all well.

The good news is that there are plans to build a new cell phone tower just 5 KM from her home, so there is reason to hope that communications will improve.

For those followers of Rebecca’s adventures who may not have heard, she hasn’t had computer or internet access since early December. She expects to get back to a computer in April in N’djamena. But e-mail is probably the least effective way to contact her.

She and James had a good visit a week or two ago. Also, she says that Chewy hasn't absolutely decided to come home yet, so the Sept. 2005 group may still be at 13.

She is feeling more integrated into her community, and is very busy with school and English Club. (The club members wrote skits, and they need to rehearse every day after school.) Otherwise, it is getting hot so the pool that they will have at training in April is most appealing.

She is looking forward to a mail run on Wednesday. She says that the next mail won't be until after the April trip to N'djamena. Since we just posted her last Blog update (see below), she’s not planning to add another until April. Hopefully she will be able to post some pictures of her home, town, school, family, etc. at that time. She tried to mail us a memory card from her camera so we could see and post pictures, but the envelope was slit and the memory card removed. (Too bad…)

Oh, and as to the problems that we read about in the news:

*** The Central African Republic refugee situation has been going on since before she arrived in Chad. All of the refugees are south of Moundou, and the PCVs are not permitted in that area.

*** She and the other volunteers are very sheltered from the problems near the Sudanese border and Darfur.

All in all, she sounds busy and happy.

Aileen

Letter, February 2006

2006-03-02T22:24:00.000Z

On Being Mocked

The verb in French for making fun of is “mocquer”. I use it a lot, usually in the joking sense, but I don’t know that a day goes by that I am not made fun of. Sometimes, people just literally point and laugh at me (especially when I’m biking, hence wearing a helmet). Often, they say hello to me (in English, French, N’Gambaye, or Arabic). When I respond with the appropriate language, they respond with laughter. Tons of people mock the way I speak no matter what language I’m speaking.) Then, there’s the ever popular “talk about her in N’Gambaye, she’ll never know” approach.

When I came here, I made the semi-conscious decision to be myself. I realized that being reserved wasn’t necessarily going to help me to integrate in the community, and that teaching the neighborhood kids “Arustacha” and (although I now regret it) “the Chicken Dance” was actually not just a way to pass the time but was actually fun. And sometimes I’d rather answer my classes’ questions (in French) about life in America than teach them a new grammar point. I’ve now realized this was probably not the best idea because their respect level for me has gone through the floor. Oh they love me all right, but the whole learning English thing has been exposed as a joke (I’m not even going to get into right now whether or not I think teaching English in Tchad is worthwhile, but I do know I could be teaching these kids something. And it seems thus far I’ve taught about half of them to adore me (and hence actually listen to me talk about the present progressive so that’s good for that reason) and the other half to make fun of me constantly for being different from them and from what they imagine teachers should be like (strict, boring, male). I’m sure if I were a little more sedated, I’d still get made fun of but the only reason it ever really hurts is when I realize they aren’t just making fun of me for being white but me for being myself. And normally I just quip back. A favorite pastime is talking to people in English when they ask me for water or whatever because the minute my English is more complicated than “How are you? I am fine”, they are lost. And I am in many ways okay with being the spectacle of the community; I just don’t really know how easy it will be to translate the spectacle role into any sort of role where I’m actually being useful. As an English teacher, I’m useful to the possibly 10% of kids who want to learn English. Even my recently started English Club just feels like another opportunity to gawk at the crazy lady. The things that I feel that I could actually offer in terms of education (actually helping kids to think, i.e. to write a paragraph, to analyze something) seem impossible with a hundred kids staring at me cluelessly the moment I ask them to choose between two verb tenses.

The weird thing is that despite all the difficulties I encounter here, I am pretty capable of remaining positive. People are constantly mocking me, asking me for things, staring at me, cheating, but all that I can attribute to their culture. That’s not to say it never bothers me but if so-and-so wants me to give him a dictionary, that’s not him asking that’s Chad (and in some ways colonialism which instilled the whole white people are rich and they give cadeaux attitude.) Unfortunately, Chadian culture is so ingrained in people here and American culture (of a sort) is so ingrained in me that it will be difficult for me to ever feel like I’m actually integrated in the community as a whole. I know that people will be able to accept me, but seeing me as the same as them seems practically impossible (or at least it will take a long time.)

A Vocabulary Lesson

In Arabic and N’Gambaye, there is one word to mean “There isn’t any” or “I don’t have any”, mahfi and godo respectively. This means that the phrase “Il n’y en a pas”, is incredibly popular in French though I think there are very few people who actually understand the pronouns “y” and “en”. There are a handful of French phrases that are extremely popular (i.e. overused) here that seem to make it even into conversations completely in another language. I’ve decided that these phrases are why I will be incapable of actually learning to speak French well (I speak French as well or better than the average person here, but a French person would probably scoff at me.)

Ah, bon – This is kind of the overall response to anything. Sometimes it is just to indicate agreement, sometimes disbelief. Other times the beginnings of a rebuttal.

Comme ca – This one really irritates a couple of the other volunteers, but I find myself using it a bit too much. Basically, it can be added to anything,. i.e. ”You are washing your clothes, like that? (as in the wrong way), “You are going to the market like that?” (ie dressed inappropriately) and sometimes the more docile “Do it like this,” “She went to Mondou like that.”

“Cest ca – Harmless phrase of affirmation. It wouldn’t bother me at all, but I always associate it with Noelle (our training director who I liked but was not exactly the best French speaker ever.) Unfortunately, I find myself using it way too much.

C’est maintenant – This I just don’t get. Sometimes people will say “La retour, c’est maintenant” which makes sense sort of (“The return, is now” as in you are coming home now.) But a lot of times it’s just “c’est maintenant” of course the answer is easy because it is always now. The only possible answer I have for this one is that only popular song in Chad “Coupe Decolle” includes “c’est maintenant” in the lyrics.

On est ou la – Literally, “one is where [there]”. That isn’t that popular, but it’s the name of a bar in Lere and these kids (20 somethings) on the taxi-brusse with Cat and I thought they were hilarious for repeating it the whole ride. I never really got why it’s so funny.

La bas – not really a Chadian French phrase, but what I enjoy calling America (sometimes I say “chez moi” too). I like the idea that I come from “over there”.

Ooo la la – It’s just funny when grown Chadian males say “ooo la la”. Of course, they also hold hands.

But in general …

Things are pretty much the same as last month. I mentioned I’ve started an English club and girls’ club at the school. Girls’ club is causing me problems because it’s hard for me to come up with stuff to do without any resources. Hopefully, it’ll get better when I go to N’Djamena in April and figure some stuff out. I see tiny bits of progress in general. The advanced English club wrote their own dialogues re topics I gave them. The 4eme (9th grade) class wrote me letters in English. I’ve mentioned to one of the women who is on the planning committee of sorts I want to help out with the International Women’s Day festivities. I’m talking with the sanitation agents and probably going to get involved in a project to build latrines at the market. My family is good, but more often than not someone is sick. They finally rebuilt my hangar, I bought some extra seco (woven straw) and now I’ve made it so I can close the door therefore mostly keep the chickens out. I feel like it’s my own little secret clubhouse now and when they bring the mail, they’ll bring the mattress I bought in Kelo and I’ll probably start sleeping outside soon (it’s not hot yet but you can feel it coming in the afternoon, I’m not so much looking forward to March) I miss you all (and really appreciate letters) but I’m really very content in my boring life here.

At Site (first month)

2006-01-25T00:16:00.000Z

from letter dated 1/3/06

Well, the first month at site has been quite the roller coaster as we were told it would be again and again during training, but you can’t really imagine until you experience it. The first few days were the hardest because I couldn’t escape the feeling of isolation and the realization of what I had gotten myself into. Such exciting and morbid thoughts crossed my mind as “I could starve myself and no one would care”. So after about a week, I started teaching and eating, Isabel my host mom returned from the hospital, and I felt immensely better.
Teaching is hard here. My smallest class has 101 kids and the largest has 125. As much as I try to solicit participation, it’s always the same eager beavers answering questions, and it’s impossible to call on everyone. I’ve doing a lot of pronunciation drills just to get people talking. And then, of course, there’s the problem of whether the kids actually understand the lesson which I can never really be sure of even if there are a few kids who can correctly answer some questions. And of course, I can’t wait until all 100 plus kids get the difference between the simple present and the present progressive. But I do try to have fun with it, and those students who do want to learn make it worth it, at least I hope they do. A few people in the Peace Corps group have been questioning the value of teaching English at all here, but I’ve decide that it is worth it to the (very very) few kids who be able to go on to university and maybe get a job working for Esso or the US Embassy. Also, in my position as an English teacher, I already have somewhat more respect in the community (I still have to get over being a 23 year old unmarried woman) that will help me to do other projects. In the next couple of weeks, I’m going to start an English club and a girls’ club at school, and hopefully over the summer I can get started on doing more health related projects. Of course, what I am going to do may change as a result of getting to know the community better, but right now I want to have classes on prenatal and infant health care for mothers, and Isabel has already said she wants to translate for me from French to N’Gambaye. I’ve already been approached about getting books for the school, a new building at school, having an adult English class, and building latrines. It’s hard when there is so much need to decide what I want to do, but at the same time it makes the countless hours of boredom (I do crossword puzzles, read, play solitaire, write, and listen to the radio for a good part of everyday) seem worth it.
My family is also great and in many ways it cancels out some of the not so nice experiences I’ve had here. My host father Clement is the mayor’s assistant and also works for anti-AIDS NGO Care Tchad. He is very nice and laid back, and we hang out some and I help him with English (he knows a little and can tell me things like “I am going to Moundou to fix my generator.”) He has two wives (though he is Catholic), the older one doesn’t speak French but the younger one Isabel and I hang out everyday. She’s a little bit spoiled because just had a baby and has been sick so she doesn’t spend as much time cooking and cleaning as the typical Chadian woman. There are a lot of kids who live at our house who are related in a variety of ways. My favorites are Senghor, a 5 year old boy who has taken it upon himself to protect me from gawking neighborhood kids, and Adeline, who is 6 and is basically the Cinderella of the family, she is constantly being called to do whatever task. She doesn’t speak any Feench so I use my awful N’Gambaye with her and she laughs at me. We also have Natasha (or) LaNatasha as Isabel calls her which I think is hilarious because she’s The Natasha) a cousin who lives with us because her father died. She’s 14 and one of my students in 6eme, and I’ve decided to make her my little sister. We sit around and look at magazines a lot, they all love my trashy magazines. My other friend is Beatrice who is a student as well, but she’s in 3eme so she’s not in my class. She’s really cool, but definitely doesn’t have the easiest life, she already has 2 kids and no husband. And then there is Cizitot, my host brother, who was Roger’s best friend when he was here. He’s really nice as well, but I’ve decided against spending too much time with unmarried Chadian males. I also spend a good amount of time with my counterpart, the other English teacher, the only other person I’ve found so far who I can have intelligent conversations with ( who can actually remind when I forget the word “alexandrine” or talk about Animal Farm in relation to post colonial Africa). Of course, we have these conversations in French, his English isn’t that good.
For the holidays, I did some traveling. Before Christmas, another volunteer Sung-mun stayed with me two daysand then we headed to Kelo where about 25 people gathered at the Holmes’ for the fete. It was a lot of fun, but unfortunately only about half of our group could make it (it was mostly last year’s volunteers) so I didn’t get to see a lot of my favorite people, and I won’t until April. Then for New Year’s, on Thursday I went to Pout Carol, Catherine’s site. Though she theoretically about an hour away from me, the trip took about 4 hours, 3 of which were spent smooshed in the back of a pickup truck with about 30 people waiting to leave Kelo. The next day we left for Lere and that trip took about 4 hours more than it should have because of the time spent waiting for the car to leave Pala and the fact that our driver drove as slow as humanly possible from Pala to Lere while we got to listen to the same tape over and over again. But actually the driver was incredibly nice and told us that he knew James and Steve (apparently he sold James some nachif which gave him food poisoning we found out later when we ran into him in Lere.) The weekend was a nice break though we did absolutely nothing. Lere is beautiful, there is a lake and mountains so we went on some nice walks. Staying up till midnight on New Years was a feat since we are all used to going to bed around 8 or 8 (okay sometimes 7:30), but we made it and had our own countdown by lamp light. We woke up at 6 to search the radio waves for Dick Clark, but for some reason the ball dropping doesn’t make it on the radio in Africa. Chadians celebrate the New Year by getting drunk and yelling “Bonne Annee” and kids go around asking for cadeaux so we spent most of New Years Day in the house. Then Monday morning, Cat and I departed and spent the whole day on the road because our first taxi-brouse broke down every 30 minutes. We ran into our friend the driver from the trip there in Pala, and he bought us cokes. We also made friends with a woman who works in N’Djamena and wants us to call her when we are there to hang out. That’s one of my favorite things about being here. As much as Chadian culture can aggravate me (it takes forever to get anything done here), people are so friendly all the time. A lot of them do want things from you (money and sex seem to be the most prominent desires), but a lot of people are just interested in getting to know you. And maybe (probably) that’s just because I’m white, but it is an experience/opportunity to share who I am with a greater part of the world. So back to the taxi-brouse, we broke down for good outside of Pala and had to wait for a truck to show up and take us. We luckily got a place in the cabine so we weren’t on the bed of the truck. In Kelo, I found a car leaving for Mondou right away so I was home just as it was getting dark.
But my day to day life here is not nearly as eventful as traveling. Household chores, cooking, cleaning, and laundry, take a lot longer than they do at home. Getting my water is usually a 15 minute excursion because it involves walking to the water tower, getting the guardian to turn on the faucet, filling one bucket, carrying it home on my head, and going back with the second. Usually I use about two buckets of water a day, but laundry day, it’s more. So most days I go to school, come home and rest a little, hang out with the family, maybe go to market, cook dinner, listen to the radio, and go to bed. Entertainment doesn’t really exist in the forms one is used to in the US, and I only teach 13 hours a week so there is a lot of down time. It’s hard for me because I am so much happier when I do feel productive, but I am creating a lot of craft projects and real projects for myself to occupy the time.
But as much as I sometimes wonder at my value here, I do see myself growing in this experience already and know that this is the best way I could be spending these two years. My loneliness and boredom seems to be a fair exchange for what I am learning in terms of culture, language, development, and myself. (I know that sounds incredibly cheesy.) The things that make this hard for me are not living without the luxuries I’m used to (though at times I do dream about lying on the couch, watching a movie, and eating chips and salsa), it’s adapting myself to such a different culture and way of life. The scariest thing is the possibility that as much as I try I will never really be able to relate to the people in my community and understand their experience, that I may never have real friends. But I am not going to give up trying on that front.

pictures!

2005-12-03T08:48:00.000Z

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8KYtmjlw3YQ4

here are my pictures from stage, i don't have that many because honestly i didn't take many on principle that i could get pictures from other people. so eventually i'll have more pictures that illustrate life in chadness.

but now i'm done. and i probably won't be online for a few months. so call/write me. because i love you. later gators.

ecole modele

2005-11-25T11:23:00.000Z

So today was my last day of teaching at CEG II after three ridiculous weeks. It's hard really to describe, but if one were to try to imagine what it's like. I walk into a classroom, there are about 90 students, 70 dudes and 20 girls or so. I say "Good morning class," they say "Good morning teacher," I say "How are you today?" they say "I am fine." Then, I proceed to attempt to teach them important English phrases like "Mr. Creakle was famous for beating" interrupted only by beaucoup de students who arrive late and try to clap their way in, the other kids standing outside the windows watching/talking to the kids in class, the fights that almost break out, you know. I really love teaching, and it's just a lot of fun talking to the kids and explaining things, making a fool out of myself basically and it's so cool when they do understand some things. But classroom management issues frustrate me completely because I feel really uncomfortable dealing with disruptions to my class especially when the parties involved are double my size. So I try to ignore them, but that doesn't get me tons of respect. It's weird too because at home I had no problems yelling at kids, but here it just seems more intimidating. Today actually the kids clapped when I closed the door after some kids ran out of the room to see a fight and I didn't let them back in. Totally hardcore of me.

But I gave a test on Tuesday and Wednesday in my classes on the stuff I taught over the past few weeks, and the test was far from difficult but only 20% of the students actually passed. (Passing is a 10/20.) The highest grade I gave was a 17/20, and it's not like I tried to grade especially hard, the questions were very straightforward one word answers. Plus, I didn't even take off points for the kids who were cheating, and there was a lot of that (they failed anyway.) It's sad to think that no matter how much it seems like they are learning and how much they actually are enjoying the class when it comes time to give the test, it just hasn't stuck. But I do think/hope that it will be somewhat better at site where my students will have time to get used to the way that I teach/the kind of tests that I give. My favorite test I received though was just an (anonymous) piece of paper that said "Je t'aime. I love you. I love you." 20/20 for sure.

Since today was the last day, though, I talked to my students in French about life in America and about myself. It was a lot of fun, and I gave out my address (everyone wanted my cell # but I declined on that one.) Actually, it was really cute because this one boy gave me a letter he wrote (in English!) asking me for help buying books. Of course, I can't do that, but still, he wrote it in English!! One of the hardest things for me is how people are always asking me for things/wanting to hang out with me, and it's just impossible to help/be friends with everyone. I'm far from rich, and yeah maybe I could afford to buy one boy a Go for English book, but where does that end? And constantly people (men especially which brings up more problems) are inviting me to do things...have dinner, hang out, whatever....or just giving me their phone numbers. And I don't want to be rude, but I can't be friends with every single person I meet. Plus, women and men aren't just friends here so it doesn't work on that level either. The other problem is the issue of reciprocity because whenever someone helps you, they want something in return. This man who sold me some fabric the other day decided he would help Steve and I buy food in the market today without being asked and proceeded to follow us around. And he was genuinely concerned for our well-being, he kept trying to keep us away from thiefs, but we didn't even ask for his help. Then he demanded that Steve give him 2000 CFA ($4) . It's hard because you have to learn not to be nice to everyone.

On the other hand, one of my favorite things are the children who wave to you as you drive by or walk by. And not just children but everyone is so friendly. Kristen and I have been walking around N'Djamena a lot and now there are so people we pass all the time who we are practically friends with who we always say Salaam Alekum to. And in Darda, I love being able to walk around and everyone knows me and I can stop and talk to anyone. And the little boys and I play catch with the frisbee and football at the same time, it's amazing. At site, I know I will get to have even more fulfilling relationships, and that excites me even as I'm really freaked out about being "alone" for 2 years.

And I think that's it for the day. Happy icky shopping day in the US! Glad I missed that...

Homestay

2005-11-20T23:04:00.000Z

From letter dated 10/04/05 – 10/06/05

I feel like so much has happened since my last letter, but of course I’ve been super busy so it’s hard to write. So far everything has been amazing and not even really surreal (because you know how I’m one to adapt easily to new environments.) We left N’Djamena last Saturday and now we’ve been in Darda at the training site for a week and a half. We are almost done with homestay which means that instead of sleeping in our dorm rooms at Darda, we (most of the group-some people are at a closer village) walk 30 minutes to Majiri. I live with a very large family, but I have no idea who is married to who and which kids belong to which mom. The biggest reason that I have no idea what is going on is because my family only speaks Chadian Arabic. I have learned a few important words (koko – frog / akul – eat / doot – insect) and to form a couple of basic sentences (koko akul doot). Mostly, I just sit around and say “afe” a lot which is the generic response to everything. I have taught the kids in my family to play “Miss Mary Mack” and to sing “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands”. I already feel like I’m making a difference in Chad. Though one of the women tried to have a conversation with me about America hating Muslims and I was able to semi-explain that there are Arabs in America by showing them pictures of Haja and Filza.
But my house/the village is what you would imagine Africa to be like, everything is built out of mud bricks and I have a house, outdoor hangar, and pit latrine within the compound. It’s really hot in my house, but for some reason whenever I try to sleep outside in the hangar, the sky decides to threaten rain so I’ve been sleeping inside. It’s not that bad though because I take a bucket bath before bed every night.
The craziest thing though is the giant difference between the lives of men and women here. All I ever see women doing is work (in the fields, chopping up okra, cooking, cleaning, etc, etc.) and all the men do is it around on mats all day. It’s weird as an American woman here because I have more liberty to be friendly with the men, but at the same time I don’t. I mean that I need to be careful and aware like I wouldn’t be in the US. Just things like walking down a street and not making eye contact are hard for me. And I have a tendency to yell nassara (white person) back at the people who yell at me which is funny but at the same time won’t be as appropriate when I’m at my site and actually have to maintain a professional demeanor. Right now though, in the protected training bubble I can act at least a little like an obnoxious American.
As for my health, I’ve been eating moderately well. At homestay, they made vegetarian food every night for me (usually rice w/hibiscus leaf sauce or pasta with some sort of unidentifiable sauce). Protein is mostly limited to peanuts and beans. I also eat the occasional egg, but they kind of gross me out. I haven’t been eating much unvegan food, but it is weird for me even to eat the little bit that I do. One day, around when we first got here I felt pretty sick and slept basically all day. Otherwise, I’ve been fine. I feel like that is in some ways a small miracle considering every night at homestay I am surrounded by dirty babies (the PCMO said we should always remember that everything/everyone is covered by a thin layer of fecal matter.)
The PCVs who just finished their service returned their bikes so now we have bikes here so finally I can bike which makes me so happy (I’m not so much into the things other people do for exercise – volleyball, running, etc.) We’ve just been riding the main road and back (10 km.) Me and one of the other trainees are talking about riding to N’Djamena one weekend if they’ll let us – it’d be about a 3 hour ride but everything is flat here. If we went early in the morning, it wouldn’t be too hot either. It’s weird because I am so used to getting up at 6am and going to bed at 9 or 10pm that I’m never tired getting up in the morning, and we are all on that schedule (moins l’electricite’ who wants to be up at midnight anyway.)
Speaking of French (sort of), I’m getting better. Literally, my French ability is in the middle of the group. Everyone who is better than me was a French major and/or has lived in France. I’m the best of the people still in French class (some people started Arabic this week) and one of the formateurs told me he thinks I’ll start Arabic next week. Our other training sessions focus on TEFL (which a lot of people find boring but I don’t mind), cross cultural stuff (we learned about Chadian agriculture yesterday), and medical stuff (so we can be healthy).
The way this whole experience is set up, I don’t think I’ll really start missing people until I’m at my site. We get our site assignments October 24th, then we have site visit (so we get to see our sites and meet our counterparts/the school staff right after that. Swear in is December 2nd, then we move out to our sites. I still have no idea where I want to be – I think I prefer the south because it’s greener and I’d be close to other volunteers/more people speak French. Still, I don’t know – I’d like to be near water, in a medium sized town, and be able to ride my bike everywhere. I guess I’ll know soon enough though, and right now I’m just trying to enjoy the time I have here.

cell phone

2005-11-14T13:02:00.000Z

my cell number is 011 235 46 44 78, i go to bed pretty early (like 9 or 10 here, which is 2 or 3 pm there.) you can buy phone cards online that are reasonably priced, and if it doesn't work, then keep trying cuz i don't always have service. so start the phoninnnnnnn. also text messages are fun too.

my site and other things

2005-11-07T11:52:00.000Z

it's actually me this time. so though my father knows this, apparently he hasn't gotten around to the posting of it yet (maybe in attempts to be chronological), but i got my site announcement a couple of weeks ago. i will be spending the next two years in a smallish village in the logone occidental region of south, it's about 6 hours (or 12 depending on method of transportation) from the capital, halfway between kelo and moundou. it is really cute, with lots of trees (my friend rachel describes it as a shady grove). there are lots of fruits and veggies available in the market and there's a farmer who i can buy some stuff from directly who is apparently cool. my counterpart is getting me a cat and there are clouds already painted on my walls (a volunteer was there last year, but he left early for personal reasons.) my family is super chill and just seem like they will be fun to spend time with. i'm needing to learn some n'gambaye, the local language (beyond the 'y toban' and 'tomaji' that i know now), my French has improved a lot being here (i'm now an advance bas), but not everyone even speaks French.

my birthday was a lot of fun for being in chad. i feel old now, but 23 is okay, especially since i'm one of the younger ones here anyway. people made me really cute cards and ja-mes gave me a pineapple. and we ate that. i now also eat bananas which we all know i hated before. the next three weeks are model school, which i'm teaching at the ghetto fab CEG II here in n'djamena, while most people are teaching at nice private schools in the city, it's okay though cuz it's more like the real experience of teaching here will be anyway. plus, the school is right across the street from the american embassy (ie the swimming pool). i'm going to get a cell phone at some point this week, so i will text people my number if you wanna call me. i'll have a little more internet time just for these few weeks but after that none so really your letters are always the best way to contact me. i LOVE letters. and food, especially food that involves protein and candy.

so yeah, i don't know what else to say. i can't really describe chad, it's sort of impossible. mostly it is just a bunch of markets filled with such exciting crap as plastic watering cans and pitcher cookies and flip flops. and all of them are the same. and where there are no markets there are houses made of mud and lots of goats. and children scream nassarra at you and you scream it back. and you respond 'afe' to everything cuz who knows more chadian arabic than that? and there is trash in the street. but it is fun and there are lots of stars at night and people are so friendly and you eat bagnes and drink tea (charape chai). and you talk in franglish all the time to your formateurs who really speak english perfectly. and there is millet everywhere, and i love farms. and you eat boule which actually tastes good, but people think you are crazy for not wanting meat sauce with your boule.

and that's it. LETTERS PLEASE. i miss you all.

First week (continued)

2005-10-30T16:03:00.000Z

from letter of September 24, 2005
Well, I’m finally getting around to writing. It’s been really busy so far being herded around N’Djamena, but this afternoon we head out to Darda where we’ll begin training for real. So, as I said in my e-mail we showed up at the airport and one of my bags didn’t so much show up. So I had to wait with Adji, one of the Peace Corps staff, and then I had to sit in this waiting room for him to talk to people so I could file a lost bag form. I thought I was the only one who lost my bag but when we got to the training center, I found out that Steve had too (he thought it fell off the truck though and was really worried but it was actually lost on the plane too.)
So the first day was fun and I didn’t really think about the bag. In the morning we went to the embassy to get our badges made and meet the ambassador – so yeah I already went back to America. In the afternoon we got our first real experience in Chad when we left where we are staying (SIL, a dorm like place… actually more of a camp like setting. I stayed in a room with Becky and we all just hung out outside most of the time.) Wandering around we got called “nassara” for the first time. Kids wave at us, and we said “qa va?” to a few people. It smelled like gasoline everywhere and rotting fish in the market (with flies buzzing all over them.) That was the only thing that made me sick feeling. There’s trash everywhere in the streets and everything. Across from the Peace Corps office there is a “lake” of trash and feces which there are people constantly walking through. It doesn’t feel like a city at all, so I can hardly imagine what it’s like being en brousse. But people here seem really friendly, especially the Peace Corps staff who I have been talking to in my mediocre French. I can basically express myself, but sometimes I forget words. But mostly (completely) we’ve been speaking English amongst ourselves. We start language classes on Monday and tomorrow we have to have a conversation with our language trainers to determine what class we’ll be in (I think I’m probably somewhere in the middle since some people have lived in France and others haven’t taken French since high school.) On Monday we move to our homestay which isn’t supposed to be the best experience ever because some of the families don’t even speak French. So basically you can’t communicate with them at all. I still don’t know what the deal with meat is in that situation but I’m sure we’ll find out (but I’m not the only vegetarian anyway). The food so far has been good, but not too protein heavy, a lot of vegetables (which we’ll have less of at training.) The PCMO (medical officer) says there will be more beans in the veg food there so that’s good. This morning we went to the Grand Marche in N’Djamena which is gynormous and there are so many fruits and vegetables, but that’s just the time of year right now – plus we are in the capital and apparently everyone cooks with peanut oil (which you know I love) but I guess they aren’t used to it (well I guess it’s kind a weird for baking). And you can get ginger too. So I don’t think I will starve at all. The PCMO (who is really nice) said I should eat fish if I really am not getting enough protein but I will be fine with the crazy amounts of beans and peanuts.
I already said, I think I like everyone here and that makes everything a lot more fun. But it is kind of weird because I feel like I have absolutely no focus. I know that’ll change when I start having work to do.

(Rebecca's missing bag was found - Bob)

More to come

2005-10-30T00:22:00.000Z

Becca (Rebecca to us) doesn't have enough internet access to update her Tchad blog. However, she has been sending interesting letters that I'm sure would be of interest. So, I will start transcribing the letters, and posted them here, with some minor editing. Be patient, as I am a bad typist.
Bob Silverstein

first week in country

2005-09-24T10:29:00.000Z

so everything is great here. i wish i had time to describe, but i only have a few minutes online. i am just fascinated by the people that we see, and the trash which is everywhere. and i am already speaking French okay so that's a good sign. i still feel like we haven't had much time to really interact with the community. but we head out to training this afternoon and then homestay begins on monday. so i may be living with a family that doesn't even speak any French (just Arabic). it's only two weeks, but that should be kind of intimidating, but i'm ready for it. the food has been great so far but i've been told that won't last so we'll see. i do eat eggs now which is weird, but i haven't even tried to do milk or cheese (there hasn't really been the opportunity.)

and that's it. love you all.

staging

2005-09-20T15:14:00.000Z

Well, I'm about to leave Philly and it's been a whirlwind last two days. Everyone is a lot of fun to be around, and I'm really excited about spending the next two years with these people. I'm a little scared because they are making me swallow pills, but I'm going to try my hardest. Anyway we fly to France tonight and then are stuck in the Paris airport all day before we get to Chad tomorrow night. It's definitely going to be an adventure, but one I'm really excited about, and luckily I'm going to be able to see E a little bit more before I leave. I miss you all and will write from N'Djamena if I can!

the last minute

2005-09-18T05:55:00.000Z

well this is it, i'm leaving in the morning. i can't really believe that still and i don't know how to write about it. basically, i'm constantly on the verge of tears and i cannot believe that any of this is really happening. i don't know, i just am horrible with goodbyes.

i'll post again from philly where i'll hopefully be in better spirits.

mailing tips

2005-09-15T16:35:00.000Z

since the tchadien post is less than stellar, here are some tips to make it easier for me to get all the lovely presents you are going to send me (daily of course, ha.)
-don't send: perishable foods (or chocolate...it melts), weapons, "pamphlets derogatory towards the countries of Equitorial Africa", money or anything valuable
-the normal postal rate for letters is $0.80, for packages it can get expensive, check at the post office
-if you are sending a package, padded envelopes are about a billion times less likely to be opened than boxes. (plus, you will save money)
-no matter what send it air mail (or else it probably won't arrive before i leave)
-ideas to make letters seem more official/less tamperable: write in red ink, address it to dr. becca silverstein, phd (or some other official sounding title...but nothing to do with the government), label the outside with something uninteresting ("educational materials")
(but don't use them all at once, that is even more suspicious)
-things i would like to receive:
LETTERS,
vegan snacks/food (even though i will be eating some non-vegan foods in africa, it doesn't make sense for me to be eating things that aren't vegan from the us) like tofurky jerky, clif bars (my favorite flavors involve chocolate), fruit leather, dehydrated TVP, gross sugary fruity candy like jelly beans as long as they are free of gelatin and beeswax, chreese packets, dried fruits/veggies, i'm sure i'll think of more when i'm there and have time to miss things,
vegetable/herb seed packets (i bought some before i left but the fall selection was lacking)
good books, magazines (esp. vogue, the new yorker),
things that smell good,
crossword/sudoku puzzles,
paper, school supplies,
LETTERS

but really i have no idea what i will want, these are just my anticipated desires. i will be more detailed when i'm in country (in less than a week, ahhh! there's so much to do before then)

going away party

2005-09-11T19:23:00.000Z

after weeks of planning, last night was the infamous going away party. cooking for two days straight was most definitely worth it, i don't think i have ever seen that much delicious vegan food in one place at one time. i was so glad so many people could come in from out of town to celebrate with me and i wish i had gotten to spend more time with everyone. and catching up with family friends and neighbors was also wonderful, but of course now i feel like i've already had to give a public speaking tour on the subject of chad, a place where i've never even been yet.

this week, i'm going to try and do a bunch more reading, take the GREs, take care of all the financial/legal obligations, buy a ton more stuff and try and fit it my bags without going over the weight limit, and spend as much time as possible with friends and family. once i get packed, i think i'll post the list of everything i'm bringing which i'm sure will be riveting reading.

here are some pictures from last night of the people i will miss like whoa (ie YOU!)